Oh, Boo....

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!  

News:

-Scratch that last post about going back to school in January.  Not happening at that time but soon, I hope.  


-Isla is almost 2 and is learning/doing so much these days.  She sings a ton, can count to 4, recognizes a variety of animals, and is starting to recognize letters.  I can't believe how quickly kids learn.  She is also hilarious to watch.  My favorite moment from today was when she was shoving her stuffed monkey's face in to a cracker and ordering it to "Eat it.  EAT IT!!!!!"  

The following picture is a good representation of her personality.

She doesn't actually use a pacifier....she just likes to chew on them occasionally. 

That **** cray...

Guess who's going back to BYU in January??

2 Weeks in H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

Ok, Ok, it wasn't quite as bad as all that.  But the 2 weeks in which I traveled to, stayed in, and then left Maryland, were not as pleasure-filled as I was hoping for.  Side-note:  I'm feeding off my current cranky-ish mood while writing this so if it sounds overly blech that's why.  

Really my trip to Maryland sets the tone for the entire trip so I'll mostly just tell that story.  My ride to the airport (for whom I am really very grateful) was late picking me up.  When I got to the airport I snapped my hand in to Isla's stroller buckle, which, by the way, is very painful if you've never done it before.  I wouldn't recommend trying it out to see if I'm right.  When I got to the counter to check my bags and get my boarding pass, I was informed I needed proof of Isla's age in order to have her ride on my lap.  I was unaware of that fact and was not traveling with her birth certificate.  Thankfully when I almost started crying the woman at the counter told me I could get it for the ride home and they wouldn't charge me for an additional round-trip ticket.  I got to my gate (I should note at this point that it was a miracle I got through the lengthy security line with Isla) and discovered our flight was delayed by 1.5 hours.  I was hoping Isla would nap on the plane.  No such luck.  We had a lot of turbulence so the fasten-seat-belt-sign was illuminated most of the flight.  For anyone with a rambunctious toddler that is NOT a good thing.  There was a snarky flight-attendant who made it her personal mission on that flight to ensure my daughter was safely on my lap at all times.   In response I spent most of the latter-half of the flight crying because Isla was crying/screaming.  I couldn't even go to the bathroom to change her poopy diaper.  I had to do it on the empty seat next to me.  Happy note: There was an empty seat next to me and when I got to Maryland at least I still had all of my hair.

Another fun part of the trip was Isla's sleeping habits.  Ordinarily she is a marvelous sleeper.  I have been very richly blessed in that regard.  She goes to bed at 7 pm and wakes up at around 8am.  VERY nice.  On this trip, when I was the only parent there, she decided to not sleep past around 6:45 am.  On the first few mornings she was up before 6 am.  In Maryland.  Which meant that in Utah it was like 4 am and needless to say it was a bit early for my taste.  

All of these things notwithstanding, there were some good parts of the trip.  The jet-skis, the boat, the pool, all fun.  Seeing family, also fun.  Karaoke for Taylor's birthday, also surprisingly enjoyable.  My Mom even coerced me into singing a song by myself.  Once in a life-time that.  

Things got a lot better by the end of the 2 weeks and the flight home was wonderful.  Next time I fly by myself with a toddler I'll remember to bring a bunch of touring-Asians with me who love blonde-curly-haired babies.  They did a fabulous job entertaining her.  

To leave you now on a happy note, here's a song that makes me exceedingly glad.

How true it is

My Mom mentioned this saying to me today after I e-mailed her the above picture:

"I wish I could see kids as just sleeping and not recharging their batteries."

I've often remarked to Michael that it would be wonderful if children were the lethargic ones and as you got older and could be more productive with your time you got more and more energy.  If only!

I gotta Chrysler that seats about 20, so COME ON!

And bring your jukebox money!

I have a 19-mo. old daughter who LOVES being outside.

She also has insanely curly hair, and loves to read.

Precious

Isla, Isla, and more Isla

My sister brought this "dress" back from Egypt.   It makes
fun noise when Isla dances in it.

Curly hair!

Caught up to no good!  I love this kid.

She LOVES mowing the lawn with her "Gaggy."

In other news. . .

I'll get the cute stuff out first: 

And now on to the other news:

In the fight to rid myself of some of my chronic ailments (headaches, joint and muscle pain, depression, anxiety, etc.) I took a cue from my aunt and have started a gluten-free diet.  My aunt discovered a year or 2 ago that she is gluten intolerant.  She had symptoms like restless-leg syndrome which I would have never associated with gluten.  Because I had such a wide range of symptoms I never thought to connect them all---I never thought they could all have a root cause.  But 5 weeks ago I decided I would give this a try after reviewing a list of symptoms.   Seeing as how I had most of the symptoms (minus the weight-loss unfortunately :-) ) I figured giving this a try would be a good idea.  Over the past 5 weeks my "gastrointestinal" symptoms have all cleared up, and I am really starting to feel better overall.  

Two weeks ago we went on vacation with some good friends.  We went to a restaurant and I thought my meal was going to be gluten free, but I didn't check closely enough.  I ate it, and almost instantly felt sick.  Pretty good confirmation that I am gluten-intolerant.  And I am so grateful.  It's difficult avoiding foods that I LOVE, like Italian food at restaurants, but thankfully there is a VERY wide variety of gluten-free cuisine and many of my favorite ethnicities of food are naturally gluten-free, like Indian and Thai food.  Even Mexican food, so long as I eat it with corn tortillas.  And because gluten-intolerance is finally being understood by doctors, there are a growing number of gluten-free alternatives available at grocery stores even in the small town of Salem.  

It feels good to have a better idea of what's wrong with my body.  

Before I forget, here is the list of some of the symptoms:

• Gastrointestinal symptoms: These are some of the “classic” — although not the most common — symptoms of celiac disease:
  • Abdominal pain and distension
  • Acid reflux
  • Bloating
  • Constipation
  • Diarrhea
  • Gas and flatulence
  • Nausea
  • Vomiting
  • Weight loss or weight gain
• Nongastrointestinal symptoms: Interestingly, although gluten sensitivity and celiac disease affect the gut, most people’s symptoms are not gastrointestinal in nature. This partial list includes just some of the more than 250 symptoms not centered in the digestive tract.
  • Fatigue and weakness (due to iron-deficiency anemia)
  • Vitamin and/or mineral deficiencies
  • Headaches (including migraines)
  • Joint/bone pain
  • Depression, irritability, listlessness, and mood disorders
  • “Fuzzy brain” or an inability to concentrate
  • Infertility
  • Abnormal menstrual cycles
  • Respiratory problems
  • Canker sores (apthus ulcers)
  • Lactose intolerance
  • Bruising easily
  • Low blood sugar (hypoglycemia)
  • Muscle cramping
    
    
    
    

Title

I find it so fascinating/amazing that after 26 years I am STILL learning things about myself.  A part of me thought that after being in college for a while, going on a mission, and being married for a few years that I would have myself pretty well figured out.  I was SO wrong.  

It's nice to not have to hide from myself anymore.

Well, OK

I couldn't resist.  Again, courtesy of Noah Coleman.

blog, blog, blog (read: blah, blah, blah)

I keep thinking blogging will become a more cathartic release for me, but it hasn't happened yet.  Perhaps I was never meant to be a blogger.  I have this internal battle every time I go to write a new blog post: 


"Self, what should I write about?"  
"Oh, I don't know, Self.  Perhaps your latest struggles with being a wife and mother?"   
"Well, I don't know, Self.  I think I've exhausted that topic and no one wants to read about all of my problems.  Everyone has their own problems and perhaps the world-wide-web is not the place to broadcast my issues with life."  
"But Self!  You could help someone with your vast amount of life knowledge and experience!  Think about all you've done!  It could help someone!...???"  
"I don't know, Self.  I don't think I've done enough to be useful to anyone.  So maybe I'll just post some pictures of my really cute baby.  That won't get old after picture #5 katrillion, all with the sub-title:  I love my baby!  Isn't she the cutest??!"




Seriously though, what is the point of blogging?  Why did I start this thing?  I have no good answer.  I have no skills that I can show-case on this blog.  My artwork isn't good enough for that yet.  My family life basically sucks, so I don't want to write about that, and my kid is the cutest baby in the world and I shouldn't want to rub that in everyone's faces all the time.   


I can offer this one ray of sunshine to the world for those who have not yet discovered it:  

surisburnbook.tumblr.com

***Disclaimer:  You would have to know who various celebrities are to care at all about this website.  If you do, and you enjoy dry humor and vicious sarcasm, this should cheer you up.

Boo Bear

Courtesy of Noah Coleman:

Summer is coming

In anticipation of the coming summer this has become Isla's favorite activity.  It's the only time she'll sit still and just be.  

In other news, she loves shoes.  She asks to have them on almost all the time.  They don't even have to match each other.  

March

This month has been pretty exciting.  Michael's mom came for a visit and aside from that we've been having a good ol' time just living the norm.  We took some pictures:

Isla is such a girl.  She loves her accessories!

Some quality reading time with Grandma

The front of our house

Here's a fun conversation Isla and I had the other day:


Me- Isla, can you say, "hat?"
Isla- Hat
Me- Isla, can you say, "pizza?"
Isla- Pizza
Me- Isla, can you say, "poopoo?"
Isla- Mama
Me- No, Isla.  Not "mama."  Can you say, "poopoo?"
Isla- Mama


hmmmm....

Mo' Dancing

My daughter is amazing.  End of story.

Icicles and Gingers

Pretty self-explanatory, yet nonetheless awesome.  

The kitchen window

Holla.

As anyone who reads this blog will already know, I've been struggling a lot with being a mother.  Not that I don't want to be one, but it's just been so much more difficult than I EVER could have anticipated.  This past week I received a letter from my visiting teacher in which I read the following:


"God spends His time doing exactly what I do every day and He considers it 'His work and His glory.'  He watches over His children, teaching them, guiding them, communicating with them and trying to get them to communicate with Him.  
    Figuratively speaking He really is feeding us, wiping our noses, changing our diapers, comforting us when we're upset, disciplining us when we misbehave, and worrying about whether or not we're going to make the right choices.  If the God of the Universe chooses to spend His time doing that, it must be a really important work.  There is glory in motherhood. ... We're engaged in His most important business and when we need that praise or pat on the back all we need to do is ask Him for it.  He'll give it to use because He loves us and honestly knows how hard the work is.  He's been doing it for at least 6,000 years."


Her words could not have come at a more perfect time.   I'm finally starting to sleep (thank you over-the-counter sleep aids), and my emotions are leveling off a bit.  Things are looking up!!  I'm beginning to feel about being a mother how I've wanted to feel all along.  


On another, lighter, note, Isla continues to amaze me every day.  She has started saying "please" and her dancing skills improve daily.  She loves reading books and sitting on the window seat staring out at the street.  She can climb practically anything to get to the very things she's not supposed to find.  I need to get more creative with my make-shift blockades.  

The death stare.  

We went to the park and she walked around holding this ball for about 10 minutes straight.  
She didn't want to play with it, just walk around with it.

P.S.  Feist's album "Metals" is AMAZING.  All should listen and love.

It's a mystery

When I came home today Michael told me the following story:


"Isla just ate the lint out of my bellybutton."  






How does a ball of lint accumulate in ones bellybutton?

Ooooh Crap

Here's the latest from Isla:

She now says, "Ohhhh craaaaap."

She loves to dance:

 

Just one of many...

reasons why I love WalMart:

What a great display for the upcoming holiday. . .HAH!

 

Come again??!

So. Today I made a pillow. I'm not usually so impressive, but lucky for me I have a good friend (Crystal) who is that impressive and she taught me how to do it.  Here are the results:

Depression and Motherhood

I keep seeing updates on Facebook and blog posts about how great it is to be a stay-at-home Mom so I thought I would shed some light on the "other side."  This post is not intended as complaining, but rather as an opportunity for me to share a little of my life.

I usually hear Moms describe their first time with their child as being such a wonderful, bonding, love-filled experience---they look at their newborn and just feel so much love.  When I first held my daughter I couldn't help thinking about 3 things, (none of which were about how much I loved her): 1. I was no longer nauseous 2. I was no longer pregnant 3. She is so small!!  I was thinking that maybe after a few days the shock of having a new baby would wear off and I would start to feel a connection to her.  No such luck.  It was after a few weeks that I came to terms with the fact that I had postpartum depression. During the first few months of her life, my anxiety disorder flared up causing me to feel anxious most of every day and have panic attacks at least once a day (usually right before bed).  Due to lack of health insurance at the time I wasn't able to afford going to a doctor. 

Fast forward to a year later (November 2011).  I finally started to feel a connection to Isla.  When I would be away from her on a date or for any other reason, I missed her.  This was new.  I started enjoying playing with her.  I had always found it easy to pick out new things she had done so I would have something to talk about with other people, but there was never any emotion behind it.  FINALLY there started to be.  

I cannot adequately describe what it's like to not feel anything.  To go through experiences that should feel good and to be incapable of feeling those things.  Not being able to feel love, not being able to feel joy, not being able to feel the Spirit.  

On top of the depression and anxiety (both of which I am still living with), I also live with chronic pain---headaches (the one I have right now I have had for the last 10 years), back pain, joint and muscle pain throughout my entire body.  Every day feels like a chore.  Because I am a stay-at-home Mom I have to get out of bed to take care of my child.  I just wish I could enjoy it.  Thankfully it's getting better, but it's taken a long time.  

Growing up, being a Mom was all I ever wanted out of life.  I never had any career aspirations, I just wanted to be at home with my kids.  When Michael and I prayerfully decided that we would start having children right away I thought I would be prepared for what it would be like.  I was wrong.  So very, very, wrong.  I didn't know how lonely I would feel, how isolated I would be from the world, how much I would dread waking up every morning.  I didn't know how much I would NOT like being at home.  I had always assumed it would come naturally to me and that I would love it. 

At least once every day I find myself pleading with the Lord to help me get through the next 5 minutes or the next 5 hours.  And every day He helps me.  Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done.  I wish I could say it felt like the most rewarding thing I've ever done, but I can't feel enough yet to be able to say that.  

What I CAN say now, is that I finally feel the love I have for my daughter.  I love that she is a part of my life and I would not have it any other way.  I know she was supposed to come into my life when she did.  She is so beautiful, and smart, and amazing.  Her smile, her laugh, how she walks, talks, just everything.  I love it all.  I know I've loved her all along, I just couldn't feel it very well.

Hairy

I want to dye my hair.  I need help deciding what color would be best. Below are some pictures for your consideration.  Please let me know what you think.

1.

2. ignore the mangy-like quality of the hair and just see the color.

3.

4. the one on the left

5. the one on the right

P.S. Please pardon my brief obsession with the Olsen twins.  I think they're fabulous.

Here's to Two-Thousand-and-Twelve

This past year brought with it a lot of ups and downs and unfortunately most of what I can remember of it are the downs.  Going in to this new year I want to recognize, record, and remember more of the ups.  When this year is over I want to be able to look back and see just how many blessings I received.  I want to remember what it felt like to receive those blessings.  Starting off the year, here's what I'm grateful for so far:

1. My family. I left something at my Aunt's house in Connecticut and she mailed it to me.  Thank you.  My brothers checked our suitcases on their flight because they could do it for free.  Thank you, boys.  Michael's sister Laura visited us at the beginning of this week and it was so nice to have her here.  Thank you for coming! 

2. Michael.  He bought me flowers yesterday for no reason other than that he loves me.  Thank you :)  

simply lovely.

3. My period.  It means I'm not pregnant again yet.  Yesssssss.

4. My friends.  I got to hang out with some of them last night and once again I was reminded why I love them.  I have known some of them for a very long time and they are still the funniest, kindest, weirdest, and absolute best people I know.  I am a lucky lady.

I know there are a LOT of things, as a result of my being human, that I have failed to consciously acknowledge.  To the Giver of all things wonderful in my life, Thank You.  What little I know of the Lord and my Father in Heaven is what gets me through each day.  Their love for me is something I will always be grateful for and never be able to repay. 

Happy New Year!!!!!